yesterday for the first time in probably 7 or 8 years i genuinely considered praying

a friend was driving myself and two others and we came upon a tunnel and out of tradition we (excluding the driver) held our breath and closed our eyes while making a wish until we were out of tunnel and during that time we were in it occurred to me that in spite of how silly and useless this method is to get what you want, it was the exact feeling of when i would pray before i went to bed 

of course i had far more faith and reason to believe in what i was praying in than when i made a wish out of superstition but in both instances i had a feeling of hope and nervousness and please god/universe/whatever just let this come true 

i pushed that connection aside until i got home then spent hours thinking about how nice it would be to surrender all my problems to god and to think of things in terms of ‘this is all part of his plan there’s no use in worrying over what’s not in my power to control to have faith in his direction/guidance’ and so on 

but that would be such an insult to a religion where selflessness is a vital part by participating in it all for the sake of easing some personal nonsense i could resolve by simply growing a spine